Blind game again
by mika-thoma
Summary: Another day, another game, and he is lost again.. While Uruha, Ryou's lover is just loosing pieces of himself as time goes and nothing changes... Read what he'll do to save what's left of him! Gazette x Kannivalism.


**Title: **Blind game again  
**Author:** Mika  
**Beta:** thethirdstone  
**Band:** The Gazette, Kannivalism  
**Pairing:** Uruha x Ryou  
**Rating: **PG13  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Chapters:** One shot / drabble  
**Warning:** None  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anyone.  
**Summary: **Searching for that feeling I once held dearly inside my heart.  
**Notes:** Ehhh, I don't like this at all! Please comment 3

It's too much now. I see how he has closed his eyes, feeling free to get lost on his own. I feel a swelling pain in my chest as my fingers tap unconsciously, annoyed, on their own, my face heating up and there's a stinging burn in my eyes. That ache of tears trying to force their way on me; it's quite sickening. I don't like the way I always give in, the way I turn my other cheek to you, allowing you to slap me on both sides and hurting me like only you have capacity to. As if you lack shame, and go on with the same indifference wrapped in every feature of yourself. I hate myself.

But there comes a day. Each punch you'll throw at me, each slap, physically or mentally, is just the same. For each of those slaps, I can feel a piece of myself slip away and shatter at the bottom of the glass. You lose yourself too easily but the love inside my heart that I want so desperately to believe is true, keeps me going.

Then that day comes, when you do something again, but also when there are no more pieces I can lose. Almost like a puzzle, all the other pieces are gone, and now only one is left. What can you do? Tear it in two? For me that day has come. There's nothing left and there's no more of me. I am surprised to find out... that I don't love you anymore.

You sit on the floor in front of the TV, with a console in your hand and you're playing this game I never really were able to get my head around. But you seem so into it, like you're right there, inside the game and no longer belonging to reality. You have already disappeared far of into a world you've created. A world without colours. A world you refuse to let me into. Fingers press roughly on the buttons then smoothly fly over the console to find the right combinations. You're so skilled.

I stand here by myself behind you. Watching you. Thinking about you. Trying to get my head around you. Searching for that feeling I once held dearly inside my heart.

But it's not there.

It's like an invisible barrier is separating us, but I want to reach out and shake you back into this world, that is real. This world where I exist. This world were it's more than enough room for the both of us, but I can't. It's like looking through a window, the glass separating us. And you're staring at someone else, something else, somewhere else. I can no longer find any reasons to be with you anymore, my heart is no longer touched by you.

I won't cry. Not let one tear be shed. No words have to be spoken, there's no words I want you to hear anyway. But if I were to open my mouth, and whispered your name, would you turn around to look at me? Would your mouth open and would your lips form my name, would you whisper back at me? Would you open the window and let me climb into your bubble? Would you love me again? Of course.... you wouldn't.

How long have I been standing behind you? I've followed you, but in your shadow. I've sat beside you and watched how you drifted off and got lost, leaving me. For each day passing, you spent more and more time inside your head, and, like a broken dool, you can't be fixed. Even if we tried, if we managed to, it would never be the same again.

My heavy sigh doesn't reach you and my eyes gazing at your back don't break your posture. I just grab the bag at my feet and hang it over my shoulder.

"Sayonara, Ryou."

With that, I close the door and start walking towards the stairs that lead into the parking lot outside.

I am abandoning you like you've abandond me.

Was all this just another game to you? Just another game I couldn't understand...?


End file.
